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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842773">you put me on and said i was your favorite</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhchest/pseuds/vhchest'>vhchest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not explicitly mentioned, Swearing, Trans Kozume Kenma, Why Did I Write This?, i love kenma so much, i think, is it comfort if ur homie tells u they like ur hair, kenma has a breakdown in the school bathroom, like a baby bit of angst, no volleyball here, they go to the same school, tobio is awkward but we love him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:14:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhchest/pseuds/vhchest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma is upset and on the verge of a breakdown. Kageyama tries to help after he catches him crying in the school bathroom.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio/Kozume Kenma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you put me on and said i was your favorite</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello,, this is my first fanfic after like four years. and the title is based on a taylor swift song because i was listening to 'cardigan' while thinking of a title. enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma doesn’t quite know what exactly he should be feeling right now. All he knows is that he’s trying to hold back the nearly irresistible urge to punch the wall standing in front of him and tear it apart with his bare hands, not that it’s something he’s fully capable of doing.</p><p>His face is as calm and neutral as it could be. One could even assume that he was feeling a bit relaxed right now, but that doesn’t happen to be the case seeing the way his hands -- curled into fists by his side -- seems to be trembling as he makes his way down the hall and towards the bathroom.</p><p>Kenma eventually rounds a corner and pushes the door leading to the bathroom open and looks around. It’s quiet, but not in the strange, creepy way that horror movies like to portray empty school bathrooms, the fluorescent lights flickering tauntingly from above and all.</p><p>He lets out a shaky breath and lets himself rest on the sink for a while, trying to unpackage everything that is happening and why he seems to be close to an emotional breakdown in an empty bathroom while classes are still ongoing.</p><p>Swallowing the bile that threatens to rise from the very depths of his stomach and into his throat, he meets his own eyes in the mirror, red, bloodshot eyes that if someone were to walk in at this moment, they would think they had come across a delinquent getting high as a kite in the boys’ bathroom instead of a normal student trying his very hardest not to cry as he stares himself down in the mirror and convinces himself to not let the tears get the best of him.</p><p>Though he was only half-joking when the thought of someone walking in on him crying comes to mind, but that is obviously not the case around here because someone is constantly walking in on something. He still remembers -- rather vividly, although he wishes he doesn’t -- accidentally walking in on one of his seniors jerking off in a janitor’s closet one time while he was trying to put away the mop that he had borrowed from said closet.</p><p>They could barely maintain eye contact after that incident. So much for cleaning duty.</p><p>It isn’t until someone actually walks in on him. He can’t help but jump at the sound of the door abruptly slamming shut and seeing a figure rest its frame against the mahogany in the reflection of the mirror. Kenma blinks once, twice until he finally turns around to confront whoever it is that had the guts to walk in on his little meltdown session. </p><p>“Kageyama?”</p><p>The person -- who he recalls to be Kageyama Tobio, a dearest friend of Shouyou’s -- is still panting for god knows what, he does not want to know. His eyes shoot open upon hearing Kenma’s voice and he looks to be just as embarrassed as he is frightened. </p><p>“Kenma-senpai… ?”</p><p>And they just end up staring at each other for a bit before Kenma adverts his gaze elsewhere and clears his throat to break the awkward silence between them, clearly aware that it will only make matters worse if anything.</p><p>“Um. I am so sorry. I did not know there was someone in here and I just assumed that- there, you know, I…” Kageyama stammers. Kenma could only sniffle and wipe his nose with the back of his hand before replying.</p><p>“It’s alright, I guess. I’m just here, not really doing anything,” and by not doing anything, what he means is I wasn’t taking care of my business or anything but if business meant having to hold back tears in a bathroom then sure! I was very much taking care of my business, you can go now! </p><p>“Are you okay?” the latter asks, a certain shyness in his voice that Kenma has certainly not heard from him before. He sounded gentle, almost caring, and Kenma wanted so badly to say no, he’s not really okay right now. But he doesn’t, because if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he felt kind of scared. Terrified, even.</p><p>But why would he admit that to Kageyama Tobio, of all people? The younger absolutely scared the shit out of him the first time they met. No words were exchanged, really. Kenma just felt intimidated by his presence and decided from thereon that he would avoid Kageyama at all costs.</p><p>He obviously failed at doing that, if you couldn’t tell by the looks of it. </p><p>Apparently, Kenma has taken too long to respond and so the taller boy just took the silence as a no in response prior to his question. </p><p>“Yeah, I’ve had my moments too.”</p><p>Kenma looks up at him, eyes moving from his very own dirty vans to Kageyama’s face.</p><p>“Trying not to lose my shit in an enclosed space, I mean. I could only assume that’s what you’re doing now… or trying not to do, I guess. I mean, I don’t know but you get the point,” Kageyama is fidgeting now, the sleeves of his sweater sliding down to cover half of his hands as he does so. </p><p>“Why are you still here?”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, yeah. Do you want me to leave? I probably should, shouldn’t I?” Kageyama seems to be in a frenzy and Kenma has no idea what to do with the mess standing on wobbly legs in front of him.</p><p>“Or you can just stay. If you want, obvi.”</p><p>“I guess I’ll stay. If that’s alright with you, of course.” </p><p>Kenma nods. Turning his head, he spots a bucket and drags it to where he previously stood, and flips it upside down, deciding to take a seat on it. </p><p>Kageyama, however, is still awkwardly standing in front of the huge wooden door, fidgeting with his hands because he has nothing else to do. Kenma slides a wooden stool towards his direction and the latter catches it because he could only assume the blonde wanted him to sit his ass down.</p><p>“You’re not gonna ask me why I looked like shit when you came in here?”</p><p>“It’s not really any of my business, you can talk but only if you’re comfortable with it.”</p><p>And for whatever reason, Kenma used to think he was the scariest person to ever step foot on planet Earth.</p><p>“Or we can sit here in silence if it makes you feel better. I’m alright with that, too.”</p><p>“No, I’m just… kinda overwhelmed.” Kenma refuses to meet his gaze and opts for the tiled bathroom floor instead.</p><p>Kageyama quirks an eyebrow at this. “How so?”</p><p>Do I tell him that I stormed out of class because a friend made a homophobic remark even though it wasn’t directed towards me? “Stormed out of class because a friend said homophobic shit and it wasn’t even directed towards me.”</p><p>Why, yes. Yes, I absolutely will.</p><p>“Oh, that’s alright. You’re allowed to be angry, I think,” hearing those words come pouring out of his mouth felt a bit weird, but Kenma pays no mind and continues.</p><p>“Yeah and I’m, uh, I’m queer, so…” Kenma tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth, waiting for some sort of reaction from the latter, but it never came.</p><p>“I didn’t expect you to come out to me out of all people, to be frank,” Kageyama huffs in amusement. That made a smile tug at the corners of Kenma’s lips because, well… he was wondering the same thing, “but it’s cool that you’re okay with sharing this with me.”</p><p>“You’re not, like, freaked out or anything, right? Cause like-”</p><p>“Oh God, no. I was worried you’d freak out.”</p><p>Why he said that, Kenma has no freaking clue, and he is certainly not going to ponder about it any longer. </p><p>“I don’t know. I just… I guess it hurt because he knew I was out, you know?” Kenma pauses, tonguing the inside of his cheek as he casts a glance towards Kageyama’s direction whose face practically screamed you can tell me anything and I’d sit here and listen to everything you have to say. If it wasn’t so serious, Kenma would’ve chuckled, “And then he just said it as if he wasn’t even aware that I was there sitting next to him and listening in on his conversation.”</p><p>“He was just like,” Kenma still remembers it as clear as day because it happened literally twenty minutes ago. “I just don’t think she should be hanging out with that kid because she has a reputation and her little playdate is kind of like… you know?” Kenma makes a gesture of flicking his wrist and Kageyama couldn’t help the snort that comes out of him. That somehow brings a smile to both of their faces which starts to falter in a matter of seconds. “I mean, she literally has a rainbow flag in her room,” at this point, Kenma swears to God that he’s going to pierce a hole into the wall by smashing his head into it.</p><p>“He sounds like an asshole,” Kageyama mutters under his breath and Kenma could only nod in agreement. </p><p>“Yeah, I really thought he was fine with it but after that happened, I don’t think I can even look at his face anymore,” Kenma tucks a stray blonde lock behind his ear and doesn’t miss the way Kageyama watches when he thinks Kenma isn’t looking.</p><p>“I like your hair,” Kageyama casually says as if it’s the most normal thing to say -- during a rather serious -- mid-conversation. </p><p>“Thanks, I bleached it at four in the morning after a mental breakdown,” Kenma twirls a strand of hair in his finger.</p><p>“You know, I’ve always been sort of fascinated by you, I don’t exactly know why. You just seemed really cool,” Kenma is not a hundred percent sure if he is blushing or if his cheeks are just heating up just when Kageyama starts complimenting him out of the blue. </p><p>“Th-Thanks? I mean I literally just had a breakdown in front of you so I don’t think I can be labeled as ‘cool’ in your book anymore,” Kenma jokes, except Kageyama doesn’t laugh.</p><p>Oh God, he thinks I’m cool and he’s not kidding about it.</p><p>“It’s probably the hair. Seems like a super bold move, bleaching it and all,” Kageyama mutters to himself as if Kenma wasn’t even there in the first place. </p><p>Kenma can’t tell if Kageyama is complimenting him or just straight up insulting the shit out of his hair. He seems to find more comfort in the latter rather than the former.</p><p>“Sorry, I’m probably being weird.”</p><p>“Yeah, you were,” Kenma widens his eyes a bit as an exaggeration. </p><p>“I just really like your hair,” Kageyama nods to himself as he says it. Kenma doesn’t even want to question it. </p><p>“Your hair’s pretty nice, too,” and this is getting weird. They went from Kenma pouring his feelings out to Kageyama to them complimenting each other’s hair. </p><p>“This is quite odd…”</p><p>“I agree. But you started it, so…”</p><p>“Why are we here again?”</p><p>“I had a breakdown in front of you, remember?”</p><p>“Oh, right. But that’s normal.”</p><p>There’s a frown between Kenma’s eyebrows, and then there’s silence between the both of them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kenma spots Kageyama sitting at a table all by his lonesome two days later.</p><p>Why he decides to approach the latter he does not know. He does not want to know.</p><p>Setting his bento down in front of Kageyama, Kenma greets him with a smile once the younger finally looks up from whatever book he was reading.</p><p>“... What are you doing here?” Kageyama questions him. His tone seems to hold no malicious intent behind them but the fear of interrupting something important still washes over Kenma.</p><p>His cheeks flush and he tries to ignore the warmth creeping up his neck. “I wanted to sit with you,” he lets out a fake cough and clears his throat, “I can go away if you’re waiting for someone.”</p><p>He stands up to leave but quickly returns to his seat when Kageyama suddenly reaches across the entire table to grab a hold of his arm to Kenma’s surprise. </p><p>“No, you can stay,” he sees Kageyama take in a deep breath, “I’m all here by myself.”</p><p>“Glad to be your companion,” Kenma smiles softly at him, cheeks still tinted a shade of pink and he’s hoping Kageyama doesn’t notice. </p><p>So here they are, sitting in silence -- a comfortable silence this time, not like the one they had in the bathroom two days ago -- enjoying each other’s company even though neither wanted to admit it. The noise of everyone else in the cafeteria is simply just background noise. They’re in their little world together with Kenma taking bites of his food and Kageyama reading the novel he had brought with him, occasionally stealing glances at Kenma when he thinks the blonde isn’t looking. </p><p>But Kenma notices, because he always does, and Kageyama doesn’t mind it that way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you survived this gigantic pile of shit that I had come up with, you are a brave warrior. feel free to leave criticism in the comments be it constructive or just full-on insults because I truly want to improve as a writer. just be a bit nicer maybe. and pls take care of yourselves!!!! stay safe ily!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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